Here’s the thing: #MooreandMe has been active for almost 48 hours, at this point. ALMOST. In that time, I’ve been accused of working for the CIA, I’ve been threatened with having my Paypal or website hacked, and I’ve seen a LOT of guys like this. A LOT of them. Trust me.
And why? Why is this self-identified progressive doing this? Why is Matt Cornell, a liberal blogger interested in “culture jamming,” trying to launch a #doyleandme campaign, and spending time reading my Tumblr, complaining about me on Twitter, and making blog posts about how I’m “biased” and “smearing” Assange, instead of protesting rape apologism — why, when it comes to rape apologism and me, does Matt Cornell process me as a bigger threat to his politics and the culture at large? As more worthy of protesting than rape apologism? Why did Keith Olbermann block so many of us? Why hasn’t Michael Moore responded, or acknowledged the #MooreandMe tag, yet? Why?
Because of rape culture. Because we’re protesting the fact that women who report rape are harassed, smeared, attacked, called names, sometimes actually hurt, or God forbid killed. And progressive men — like the one you’re seeing up there — respond to women so much as talking about this, respond to women even saying that this is a bad thing, by harassing, smearing, attacking, name-calling, and maybe actually hurting the women who talk about that. Because, in these our “progressive” communities, it is dangerous for women to admit the existence of rape, or rape culture, especially if we’re saying that progressive men have any role in it, or any responsibility. It’s dangerous to say that a progressive man raped you, it’s dangerous to say that progressive men can be rapists, it’s dangerous to say that progressive men make those things dangerous, it’s dangerous to say that making those things dangerous is wrong. There is a culture aimed at making women — every woman, everywhere — afraid to talk about rape, let alone to make a stand against it, and progressive men participate in this. They are enabled by people like Keith Olbermann. They are enabled by people like Michael Moore. When the progressive authorities like Keith Olbermann demonstrate that it’s okay to smear or endanger women for reporting rape, progressive men follow suit. When Michael Moore demonstrates that it’s okay to ignore rape allegations, to the point that he’s now saying he literally doesn’t know what they are or what happened in the case (he was confidently representing them as something other than what they are, 48 hours ago, and he was more or less saying that Assange was innocent, and he was telling us to “never, ever believe the official story,” none of which lines up with his new position, that he doesn’t in fact know the allegations) but is confident in giving $20,000 to Assange’s cause, and rallying other progressives to give money to Assange’s cause, progressive men (and women) absorb the message that rape just doesn’t matter that much.
I was accused of working for the CIA. So was the accuser in the Assange case. In both instances, there was no evidence for this claim. But that didn’t matter, because what mattered was making sure that, if a woman speaks aganist rape, either to report her accuser or just to say that rape is bad, we have to find some way to discredit her and scare her and make her shut up.
You know what works? Not shutting up. Not shutting up, ever. They want to scare us, because they want a culture of silence around rape, and they maintain that by making it dangerous for women to talk about rape, and this all springs from one simple goal: MAKING IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO RAPE US AND GET AWAY WITH IT.
What they can’t stand, though, is the lack of fear. I was in a really scary situation, once, with a man; I don’t want to get into it, because it’s one of those things I don’t talk about on the Internet, for ME and MY SAKE, but I was not in the physical vicinity of this man, yet I could hear him over a phone and I had reason to believe he might know my location. And (here come the triggers, so, warning) he was going into such gory detail, about how he was going to rape me and carve me up and break all the bones in my chest and carve a hole in it and fuck the hole, and at a certain point, I realized: The scary voice, the scary words, what he wanted was to hear me get scared. So even though I was scared, even though I was so cold and terrified I couldn’t actually physically move, like I was floating three feet out of my body and was thinking wow it’s funny that I can’t even move my hands but my voice still works, I started to talk back to him in this really chipper voice.
“Wow, you’re so kinky! Where do you get all of these ideas? Are you going to rape me in the ass, too? I have a really super ass, so why don’t you go for that?” Etc.
And at this point, when I was talking back to him, chipper, friendly, evidently not scared, the guy — who had been affecting this low, serial-killer rasp — started to stutter. His voice started to crack. He got flustered. And then he hung up the goddamned phone.
I mean, as soon as it was over, I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably and needed to puke, and I had some serious trouble with taking my clothes off, even to shower, for the next few days, and I had some PTSD issues like specifically because of it, and if you ask me to elaborate on this incident I won’t. I’ve told you all you have the right to know. I don’t like remembering it, at all. But, although I do NOT recommend this tactic for dealing with attackers or threats in general (“How Not To Get Raped: Act Real Chipper About It, Says Anti-Rape Activist Sady Doyle!”) what I remember is that, at some point, it clicked into my head that I had to not give him what he wanted, and what he wanted was the sound of my fear.
People tell me I’m remarkably tough in confrontations, remarkably not-afraid, remarkably hard to back down. I have been considerably more so, since that incident. If you’re not actually a potential serial killer with a self-professed desire to rape me, beat me to death, cut me up with a hacksaw, and then rape me again, I really — just by comparison — don’t consider you an enormous threat.
What they want is the sound of your fear. Silence sounds like your fear. Don’t give them your silence. We are so, so, so far from ever being done.
You know, when you finally see how progressive men (who are supposed to be our allies) feel about rape, it makes you lose a lot of hope and realize that we’re pretty much alone in our fight.