I wish I’d recorded the conversation we had about ugliness tonight. I can’t remember most of it but I remember feeling strongly that ugly/beautiful is a false dichotomy.
I really resent my brain fog. I also resent that I feel intimidated by words and language. It feels like when I want to draw a picture but I don’t have the skills. I practice and make mistakes but I am so fucking anxious about that when it comes to words because it seems like I can never illustrate exactly what I want to say.
The short version: I feel quite like I don’t belong in a space where I can’t adequately express myself due to my disability/ lack of education.
There are layers of frustration for me right now but talking with Mem, Sonya and Zoe was so helpful. If only I could remember.