So, all of this. I got out of bed just to write this (because Tumblr phone app sucks for long posts) so this will probably ramble because I’m tired but I won’t be able to sleep unless I get this out.
But yes, not everyone has the benefit of having their attractiveness reinforced by others. Personally speaking, I get complimented on my looks maybe a few times a year, getting called “cute” at best. And it’s only ever by women or gay men, so it doesn’t count for much (I mostly like men, and gay men don’t mean anything by it, so…)
The one relationship I had, I was made to feel completely undesirable for being fat and butch and that no man would want me unless I stopped being those things. Culture backs up that assertion, and so does experience. No one before or since has made clear any significant interest in me. I’m pretty goddamn sure that if I were at least thinner (if not also more feminine-looking), that wouldn’t be the case. I have heard too many stories of people losing weight and then suddenly having others come out of the woodwork to say how “hot” they are now to believe otherwise.
So whenever I hear in fat-positive circles statements like “The fact that you are single has NOTHING to do with your weight!!!1!” I call bullshit. The amount of denial about beauty standards one has to have in order to believe that is immense. Much of it hinges on thinness alone. Otherwise we would never hear “you have a pretty face, but” statements. I would rather see someone be honest and say “Yeah, being fat can make dating harder, sometimes a lot harder, because society highly values thinness. Try not to get discouraged, but it’s okay and normal if you do because it’s hard sometimes” or SOMETHING like that, something at least half-way honest.
It’s also hard not to notice that many of the prominent fat acceptance writers/bloggers are partnered. I imagine FA is a lot easier to practice when you have someone regularly reinforcing your physical attractiveness.
Emphasis mine, followed by this really awkward, mildly uncomfortable-for-me-to-post post. Under a cut because, uh. There are photos, and… I feel weird posting them, but it also feels weirdly important to do so? To me, I mean, not to anyone else. And yeah I didn’t want to clutter dashes!
please don’t delete it. i think the OP and your post are both really important. i think it’s something that’s glossed over or even lied about a lot of the time
THIS THIS ALL OVER THIS