Image - webcam photo of me looking tired holding a glass of cold water to my temple.
Today at the psychiatrist’s we discussed my social phobia, more specifically my make up dependance. I do not buy make up all the time, no, I just have a very hard time going out in public or being seen without it. In recent years I’ve tried to challenge this, you might notice that I post webcam photos of me not wearing make up quite a bit. I didn’t realise how much it still plays into my anxiety and self worth.
One thing I kind of don’t think my shrink gets is my reluctance to be seen with “bad” skin and make a perceived spectacle of myself when I have visible piercings and tattoos. They are different things. I struggled to explain the difference to her but I couldn’t. I also struggle to explain to her how learning more about critiquing cultural ideas about normativity has helped me feel better about myself. Oh and there was another moment when I said I wished I could be more open with my family about not identifying as hetero, and she said “oh but you don’t have to tell your family everything.” It’d be nice to feel like I didn’t have to hide for fear of their reaction.
For the most part this doctor has been the only psych I’ve ever really trusted and felt like I can work with, so I feel good about committing to treatment with her.