I have never thought myself beautiful, not in the commonly held sense, but I have found myself beautiful in my own way. I guess my own definition of beauty takes all the bits of me that I know, all my goals and aspirations and asks if I am doing what I can in order to be truest to myself. I have never felt right with myself if I’m pursuing things I disagree with.
However as much as I have this attitude, when it comes to my own physical beauty I have felt as if I don’t measure up to the yardstick provided handily by the culture I live in. I have acne, I’m fat and I sweat a lot. These things fall decisively into the “ugly” category in part of the world I live in, and there have been many moments where I have berated myself severely for not being less zitty or sweaty or fat. On the whole though, I have felt able to separate what my society demands of my body and what I require it to be and do. They’re very different things.
Generally I find that if I spend too much energy, time or money pursuing external criteria of beauty, I don’t feel right within myself. That means I’m ok with people thinking I’m ugly. I don’t owe anyone the right to make their vistas pleasant. That’s their problem, not mine. I just have to be right with me.