Girl: “I want to ask you a question, and don’t slap me.”
(I knew immediately that she was going to go for the gold and ask me if I was pregnant.)
Ashley: ”Are you about to ask me the question that you know very well you shouldn’t ask me?”
Girl: “It’s just that, you know, if you were…is it really safe for you to be running around and being all physical in our class? I’m just worried about you.”
Ashley: Well I’m NOT PREGNANT. So you don’t have to worry. Also, pregnant women can exercise!
Girl: I just thought you might be because of how you touch your belly.
Ashley: I do that because I like being fat.
Girl: NO NO that’s not what I meant!
Ashley: No, it’s what I meant. I actually like it.
Girl: Oh well good for you. I really hate my body…
There is so much fucked up shit going on in this conversation. I was so annoyed by the ignorant, entitled, lengthy, drawn out, non-consensual conversation about my body that I feel the need to repost this thing I wrote about people asking me if I’m pregnant. So. Here ya go.
I get asked if i’m pregnant all the time. People ask me on the street, in bars, AT WORK. It’s completely absurd. This week, I got asked if I was pregnant twice within 24 hours. No matter how many times it happens, I am still so STUNNED by people’s audacity that my brain shuts down and all the witty, cutting things that I’ve practiced as responses (for example, “No I’m not pregnant, I just ate too much dairy and now I’m super bloated.” “Oh my god! I can’t believe I didn’t notice that! Thanks for pointing it out.” and my personal favourite…”Yes but I’m not keeping the baby, so i’m trying not to get too attached”) just fly right the fuck out the window, and I’m left with the blushing ashamed answer, “No, I’m not pregnant…oh don’t worry…no no…it’s ok…really.” Well here’s what: IT. IS. NOT. OK!!! I’ve had to really unpack the sadness, embarrassment and shame that comes along with these comments. I’ve come up with a few answers as to how this is SO NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.
here are some reasons why asking me if or assuming that i am pregnant makes you a total douchebag:
1. It is a violation. It is none of your fucking business what is going on inside my body. It is never, under any circumstances, an acceptable thing to talk about someone’s body without their consent or on their impetus. Pregnant bodies are seen as public property, and no longer belong to the women who inhabit them. My body, pregnant or not, does not belong to you and it is no less than completely intolerable that you believe it does and that it is a topic for discussion. Lay the fuck off!
2. Pregnancy is a socially acceptable thing for a woman to do, and being fat isn’t. I don’t want to have babies. I don’t want to give birth. Creating life is not my path. It really chaps my ass when i see the light flicker in old ladies eyes when they believe i’m doing what i’m supposed to do with my body, and then to see it die out like a candle in a gust of disappointment when they realize i’m just a fattie fat fattie. It’s a real piss-off to know that people want me to terminate my food babies and go on a GD diet, but I’ll get all the social credit i can handle if it’s the seed of life sprouting in my gut. GROSS.
3. Pregnancy is considered beautiful, and being fat is considered ugly. Pregnancy is a beautiful kind of fat. An elegant kind of fat. A refined and glowing kind of fat. It’s a calm and serene and sweet kind of fat. It’s ok to be fat if you’re pregnant. But it’d better go away right after you pop the sucker out. Baby weight, is like, so not cute. Telling a fat person that they’re beautiful because you think they’re pregnant is fucking offensive. I’m beautiful because my belly is round and delightful and i will shake it in your face if you come any fucking closer to me ISWEARTOGOD!
4. Acknowledging that someone is fat is considered and insult, because fat is considered disgusting. I am bored to freaking tears with dealing with other people’s fat phobia and unchecked privilege. I am tired of assuaging the guilt that comes along with pointing out that I’m fat. You meant no harm, i know. and saying that i’m fat is harmful? It’s fine to call attention to the fact that I’m fat! I love my fat! But the embarrassment and the backtracking and the whiny fumbling around…get over it! Now that it’s all out in the open and everything, maybe you could take back your nonpliment and FUCKING PRAISE ME BITCHEZ.
Here are some artful ways that people have found to discuss my non-pregnancy:
“Can i ask you a question? (no pause) Are you pregnant?”…pretty standard
“You know, I’ve been watching you and you are just stunningly beautiful…for a pregnant woman”
“Oh here, let me get that, I hated picking things up when i was VERY pregnant, too”
“You carry yourself so well. How far along are you?”
“So is it a boy or a girl?”…Oh actually i’m not pregnant…”Oh come on! Yes you are!”
…assholes.
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Today I had an extremely annoying conversation with a girl in my acting class. It went as follows:
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