So um, further to my earlier post about my current state of mind.
I have seen primarily psychologists for the last 10 years, and while it has helped there have been things that I’ve held back on/ things unexplored for whatever reason. I haven’t met a psychologist I’ve been fully comfortable with. The last one I saw said he’d be teaching me Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools but instead was fixated on why I couldn’t sleep and join the regular 9-5 world. Turns out my recent insomnia and extreme anxiety were due to Graves disease. I stopped seeing that guy.
My GP has been increasing my dosage of anti depressants slowly but she’s been very conservative. She suggested that a psychiatrist would be more aggressive with medication, thus helping me to get on the right track, and be ready to do the psychotherapy talking stuff. I trust her. She cares about me a lot.
I know people have differing views on the best treatment of mental illness. I’ve been treated in a variety of ways and I am still suffering. I hope that this new specialist can help me calm the stuff that goes on in my head. As I get older I am getting to be a lot better at advocating for myself, and if I’m not comfortable with suggested treatments I will say so.
But yeah, for now it’s between me and these doctors and Nick, who is basically my carer these days. I am somewhat ashamed to say that he is my carer, but it’s true. I could not do a lot of things if I didn’t have his day to day, sometimes minute to minute, support. I am ashamed of the stigma and that shame does not help me treat my illnesses. So yeah, as he said to me last night, we have a team of people who care for me and we’re doing the best we can.