If you want or need to go somewhere, whether somewhere you’re eagerly looking forward to going, or somewhere routine, or to the dentist for a root canal which you may be much averse to but have nevertheless decided will leave you better off in the long run, and you get in your car, turn the key in the ignition repeatedly, yet the engine sputters but does not engage, this is not an indication that you don’t really want to go anywhere. It’s an indication that something is wrong with the equipment you need to transport you there.
I am fully capable of sitting for hours, thinking periodically, “I need to pee,” then, “I really need to pee,” and eventually, “Damn, I need to pee,” before being able to jump start the part of my brain which engages with the task of getting up and walking the ten feet to the bathroom, and initiates the movement which allows me to do that.
The more complex the task, the harder it can be, because a more complex sequence of actions must be, in some sense, imagined and targeted before the actions necessary to bring them about can be initiated. Most people are unaware that this process even takes place, because in a healthy brain, it occurs swiftly and automatically. In my brain, it does not.”
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Maud, There’s Good News and Bad News. And Fat News. (Shakesville)
Probably the best description of that particular aspect of depression that I’ve ever read. At least, that’s how it is for me.
(via kiriamaya)
This sounds like meee.
(via dorianisms)
(via skirtonfire)
(via ifighttheonesthatfightme)
Oh my god, this was me for two years.
Everyone around me seemed to misunderstand that particular aspect of my depression: my parents called me lazy at one point, actually. But I would sit there and recite the things I needed to do for the day, but never moved. I knew I needed to do them. I really did want to do them. But…I felt like a stone.
I think more people need to read this, especially those who don’t have depression, so that they may gain some understanding for what others who suffer go through. So that they won’t be so quick to judge…
(via venetian-blinded-rage)
Me too, this has been me for the past 6 months. I also experienced this in middle school, when my grades slipped from B’s to C’s/D’s. I know that I want to do something, but for some reason the wires don’t cross. It doesn’t feel exactly like sadness, but rather like a great lack of inertia. Being unfulfilled then leads to more unhappiness. I didn’t really realize till now that this was an aspect of my depression. I just felt like I was the laziest person on earth and I deserved to be unhappy.
(via cuntofdoom)
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS.
(via theoceanandthesky)
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(via fuckmemilo)
Holy shit, I experience this so much. I’ve never seen this aspect or manifestation of depression described this well. I want to print this out and give it to people I know.
(via brohamsandwich)
seriously. this happens to me even (especially?) with going to bed. especially now that i have to, like, plug in a machine to do it? and the way it interacts with the partner’s ocd is, unsurprisingly, crazy.
(via brontomerus)
I feel like I would like to have this printed on a t-shirt, or tattooed to my forehead, or handed out as a flier to everyone I come into contact with. Something to let the world know, for all of those who don’t have this illness and don’t understand, that I am trying really fucking hard, all of the time.
That load of laundry I put on this morning, I have been trying to do that for five weeks now. I think about it every day and work at convincing my legs to move me down the stairs. The fact that I actually managed that this morning was a really huge achievement for me. I feel like all that the rest of the world can see is that I didn’t feed myself breakfast.
(via consexy)
(via okapidreams)
well, holy shit.
(via ourchangingsky)