I was perusing the aisles in the grocery store, lost in my own thoughts. Thinking about my kid, what to make for dinner, what to do that weekend, when do I need to do laundry next, do I need tampons?, what does Robert Downey Jr. look like naked? You know, normal stuff. Minding my own business.
That’s when it happened. A man, bit older than me, stops me. “Hey, honey! Smile!” and he looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to oblige him. I just stare for a moment, puzzled. Do I know this guy? Does he have a camera? No. He’s just a random guy who wants me to smile. I don’t. I just continue to look at him for a moment before I go back to my thoughts. “Hey, why don’t you smile?”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“Aw, c’mon sweetie.”
That’s it.
“I’m not your sweetie.” It’s clear I am annoyed at this point.
“No need to be rude.” He’s offended.
“No. You know what’s rude? Guys like you stopping random women and ordering them to smile for your benefit. I’m not your sweetie or your honey and I’m not going to smile just because you think I would look prettier if I did.”
“Well, excuse me!” And he huffs off.
Seriously, guys. What is this bullshit? Why is it that stranger ass men feel the need to stop women they don’t even know and tell them to smile? Why do you think it’s ok to demand this shit? And when we get annoyed or are confused by your “request”, why are we the bad guys?
I never see these men stop young men and ask them to smile. It all comes back to sexism.
Men think they can comment on any women’s appearance and we should just giggle and thank them for their attention. Fuck. That. You have no right to stop me in the middle of my business and tell me that I need to smile. Motherfucker, how would you feel if I stopped you on the street and demanded that you flex like a big man for me. And, if you refused, how would you feel if I told you that you were being rude? Maybe you would feel confused. Maybe you would feel annoyed. Who is this woman and why the fuck is she making demands? Maybe you would feel even a little bit threatened. I mean, why would a stranger come up and try to be so familiar with you? That’s very unsettling.
So, please. Knock it off. If you want to get my attention, then find a way to do it that isn’t ordering me around like I’m some sort of circus animal here to do tricks. Treat me like a human being. Say hi. Introduce yourself. Make small talk. But, damn it, don’t demand that I present myself a certain way for you. I’m not here for you. I don’t know you.
Fuck.
I have an issue with older people calling me pet names. I was serving a man once when I made sandwiches in a deli/cafe and he called me “sweet thing” (pronounced THANG) and “babe”. I even hate my partners calling me names like this. I personally think it denotes subordination and infantilising. I was probably a bit cold with my service towards him after that. As he was walking away with his sandwich, he asked me who my supervisor was. I pointed towards my manager, perplexed. The guy screamed out as he exited the store: “TELL THAT LITTLE BITCH OF YOURS TO SMILE A BIT MORE”. So I offended him by not smiling, huh? Jessica Valenti dedicated a chapter to this in She’s A Slut and He’s a Stud. Something like, he’s mysterious while she’s a bitch. If a man doesn’t smile, people think he’s a mysterious, aloof Humphrey Bogart-esque character. If a girl doesn’t smile, she’s a cold, uptight bitch who should be told off. If I were a male, would that man have acted so disgracefully? Of course not.
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Random guys thinking I have to oblige their random requests
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