I wish someone had told me when I was a kid that it was ok to be quiet, to enjoy my own company, and to observe instead of speak. Maybe life wouldn’t have turned into a giant charade; trying to be extroverted drives me into anxious frenzies.
I was quiet, super shy and kept to myself a lot when I was a kid. I’m still like that, to an extent.
My parents thought there was something wrong with me. One of the issues that came up time and time again at parent teacher interviews was that I simply didn’t talk much, which was misconstrued as “not engaging” with the class (I was a straight A student until Year 6). Sure, I could natter away to my friends and relatives, but a stranger or acquaintance’s comments were met with a nervous laugh, a smile or a one-word answer.
Silence makes people uncomfortable.
I’m quiet for a two reasons. One: I get anxious in social situations sometimes. I stutter when I’m nervous. I’m softly-spoken. Sometimes it takes me a while to be comfortable around certain people. I’m much better nowadays though. Working in a pub where the conversation flows and splatters like a malfunctioning beer tap is sure to bring out your inner conversationalist. Maturity certainly helps too.
Anxiety issues, the other reason is that I choose to be quiet. I find small talk incredibly dull. I don’t understand why people are so keen to talk about the weather or what terribly mundane things they have to do that day when there are millions of far more interesting topics to talk about. I would rather be silent than fill it with something stupid, boring or offensive. I want my words to be meaningful and carefully chosen instead of background chatter to fill a silence.
There’s nothing wrong with us quiet folk. We’re mysterious, a bit eccentric and have a different kind of self-awareness to other people. Getting to know us is a little bit more of a challenge, but hopefully worth it in the end.
Whoa, we share some experiences! Particularly the classroom example and not enjoying small talk. I’ve always felt like there’s something wrong with me because I’d rather observe everything and then offer a considered response, and I’d rather NOT have to fill in time with people (who usually don’t know me well) by nattering about things I don’t care about.
I feel a lot more extroverted with my friends though: I can natter about things of little consequence and hash out difficult discussions, probably because I feel like I’m in a safe environment.
I think it’s totally bollocks how adults think it’s important for children to be outgoing and sociable. And it’s not that introverted children aren’t outgoing or sociable, or even perfectly nice people, it’s just that they interact with the world in a completely different manner.