I think you're quite brilliant and I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on something. To what extent do you think people with mental illnesses or brain damage do (or should) own their words or actions? To give you a bit of context, my mother has suffered brain damage which didn't change her personality drastically but there are still definite difference. Whenever we argue I'm always portrayed as the bad guy, even when I go out of my way to remain calm and respectful. To my father and sister my mother's cruel, hurtful words are just "part of the brain damage" and I'm at fault for pursuing arguements (when all I wish to pursure is conversation). This comes from the same people who speak quite cruelly about my rude aunt who has borderline personality disorder. I find it very interesting that, to some, a person who has brain damage doesn't have to own their words, while someone with a mental illness is at fault for rude or erratic behaviour. As someone with mental illness it has taken me a lot of work to be able to own my words and actions, rather than blaming them on my illness. I don't expect a whole lotta' advice, but I'd love to hear your take on the topic.

I think your very real life illustration of how people get treated differently when they suffer mental illness really brings home the point that mental illness really isn’t treated as seriously as other illnesses and injuries. I don’t really have much advice on your situation, because I feel like I might have some bias. I have family members who suffer from bipolar disorder and they will often say and do things that are really hurtful, and sometimes physically violent. As much as I try to understand that they not well and sometimes don’t have control over what they say and do, when hurtful actions/ violence have been taken out upon me it has really damaged the relationship between me and these family members. I have also hidden much of my own struggles with mental illness as a direct result.

So even though I have this difficult history, I think it’s quite unfair to hold a mentally ill person responsible for all of their “poor” behaviour but at the same time I have to admit that I hold conflicted feelings about this because of my own experiences. I don’t know if this is helpful at all, but I wish all the best for your mum, your aunty, your family and you.