materialworld: On feeling the anger I want to see in the world definatalie: C’mon get...

materialworld:

On feeling the anger I want to see in the world

definatalie:

C’mon get angry!

Excerpt to temp non-Natalie readers to clicky!

I got angry before at someone who expressed some really gross and hurtful things about fat people, and like usual, I was conflicted about my response soon after. As a woman, I was taught that to respond with anger, haughtiness or questioning is a big No No. A woman is supposed to quell her outrage at injustices for fear that she be painted with negative characteristics, for fear that she is dismissed as a bitch and told to “calm down”. Angry fat women, already painted into a pretty corner with this oppressive conditioning, must completely blow minds because they are not submissive, jolly or thin. Angry fat women are angry because you dismiss them as human beings, because they are not thin and submissive, or beautiful and quiet.

When someone is not angry or asking questions, it makes them a lot easier to control but by the same token, I can appreciate being lost in an angry response.

Tumblr has been full of ‘just what I needed to see and hear’ stuff in an otherwise epic shitty week. Several things made me think about anger this week.

I started out being politicized by rape and out there queer punk stuff. So I feel  confident in my ability by now, to know when I’m feeling anger on my terms, on the defensive to someone else, or just being assertive  and copping the ‘mean big lady taking up space who does she think she is’ stigma.

I’m not invested in being angry other than when necessary in self defense, because there’s been enough of those situations that they use up all the ‘dealing with angry’ spoons I can afford if I want to be a creative, pro-active, person too.  Also, spending a lot of time around feminists, progressives and disability industry workers, I feel that passive aggression is way more common and accepted than open aggression - and harder to call out. 

Something I had the opportunity to reflect on a lot during a major burn out, health collapse period a year ago, was that progressives valorize both angry calling out, and ‘rising above’ anger to lead by example and teach when you’re insulted. Which I agree with. 

But: if your job, activist, status is such that you get insulted a LOT, without receiving the same support as more privileged activists, you’re carrying a hell of a lot of responsibility to show fairness to people who’ don’t show it to you.  It’s admirably idealistic but unsustainable.

I knew that before I burnt out. Probably every person who burns out from trying anyway knew it. Anger at being treated grossly is Catch 22 that way: show it and you may be judged unless you have 100% smart sounding, socially improving responses, don’t call it and you’re just putting up with it!  I didn’t used to think I could pick my battles around that, and often that was true because I was being attacked [literally].

Now my health’s improving so I can take on different projects, I’m a lot more aware of when I can disengage too.

I’m glad to be at this stage of life where the risks of anger at petty prejudice aren’t so grossly distorted for me anymore.  I’m making it more of a priority to show myself the acceptance others often expect and receive from me, about picking my battles with insulting behaviour.

My new motto is: show the respect you expect to receive, or accept that others have the right to reply with whichever ‘anger’ strategy protects them in turn.